Started off in a good mood. Immediately ran into Nigel who gave me grief for not having a drink.
"I JUST got in the door, man!"
"That's no excuse!"
Chatted with Nigel for a bit and some asshole bumped into him and almost sent his wine glass flying. Fuckhead didn't even apologize to him. This was to set the tone for the evening.
Ran into Asterid who gave me a giant hug and told me K.'s car had just got hit by some asshole in the parking lot and K. was busy trying to run him down and confront the guy. Caught up with S. from TN who was loading in C.'s outfit for her stage show. He seemed in a good mood and was ready for a good night. I wandered around a bit, caught up with a few people who just shook my hand and split to the dance floor.
Since I've been out of steady work, my view toward the weekend has been skewed. Since most all of my days are free (consumed by job hunting and what not but not actual "work", per se), the weekends don't mean a hell of a lot to me. When I WAS working, the weekends were for blowing off steam. I had drinks to down, tunes to listen to. I guess I was looking to actually CATCH UP and TALK TO PEOPLE.
You CAN'T do that in an over-crowded, LOUD dance club. I'm not sure why I thought I could do that. Maybe it was that I WANTED to do that, not thinking that that was pretty impossible, given the circumstances.
Anyway, after being the Quick Greet Treatment, I gave up and just hung at the bar. Got to catch C.'s show (and "wardrobe malfunction". Damn those pasties!). During the show, people kept bumping into me as they passed by. No shit, I must have been run INTO by at least half a dozen people. No one looked twice, no one apologized. After the fourth time I spilled my one drink on my shirt, I was starting to get pissed. Was I just invisible? Since I'm shy, I kind of blend into a crowd but I'm NOT a small person, sizewise. What the fuck was going on here?
Seemed to me that a lot of the people running into me were "Normals". Let me explain: The place I was at used to be a Goth Club. When it first opened, it was mainly Scene People there. In my opinion, I started to dislike the place when "Normal People" showed up - the curious, the fucking Frat Boyz, the Suburb Kids, etc. I'm not really part of the scene (even back then) but the "Normal" people seemed to be there just to gawk, get drunk, score drugs or just be general pains in the ass. Got me. Same thing applied Saturday night. Most of the people that were rude were just "Normals".
The club was VERY crowded and I was getting hot. When I get hot, I get irritable. I was getting more and more pissed off. The heat, the crowds, ANOTHER asshole spilling my tiny Rum n' Coke on my dress shirt. I knew I really wanted to say hi to a lot of people but I was getting very pissed off, very quickly. I decided to jet. I downed my drink just as some short little fuck ran into my elbow, knocking the rest of my drink down my neck. At this point, I was ready to go after the guy - and that just ISN'T me anymore. I admit, I had some true prickish moments back in college & afterwards but I make a real point NOT to be that person anymore. I left - and literally mowed down the last asshole to bump into me. I bumped him into the bar and he hit the floor. I really wanted to go back and grab him but I split. Hit the parking lot and got in the car.
I got a lot of text message from people asking me where I was (even from _______ demanding I show up for the "killer afterparty"). No way, not that night. I SMS'd a few back and apologized that I just wasn't feeling it that night.
The drive home calmed me somewhat but I was still upset about things. I REALLY wanted to talk to a bunch of my friends but I realize that just doesn't happen in night clubs. I'd LIKE to become better friends with people; some people I just rarely see at clubs and that's the extent of our relationship and I'm not too thrilled with that. Maybe since some of my older friends have been giving me a rough time, I'm looking to make new friends. I was pissed off at myself that I almost lost my temper to the point where I was wanting to get in a fight. I'm fucking FOURTY now; those days are behind me. Even as goddamn awful as things are for me now at least I'm not in jail. Prison is not a viable alternative to UnEmployment, Andrew.
I'm upset I missed the fun and my friends and maybe making some new friends but I AM glad that I made a point to leave and cool off.
I guess this entry was just for myself, to kind of step back and figure out what was going on with myself that night.
Not sure if anyone else reads these things anymore. Comments are very appreciated, especially so from my ATL friends (who might have even been there that night).